So Yeah, I'm Kind Of Sick Of Being Pregnant Right Now...

My 5 Month Baby Bump

Yep this is my attitude at this moment.  I know it's a little late to be saying that seeing that I'll officially be six month preggers in a few days.  Some expecting mothers claim that this is the most beautiful and happiest times of their lives but I'm not feeling the love here.



So I had my monthly check up with my OBGYN the other day and even though she is the sweetest thing, I really wanted to punch her for the conversation we had.  No seriously, it's not her fault that I feel awful but sometimes her cheeriness gets on my last nerve.  Just when I think my problems are huge and life threatening, she laughs it off and give me some helpful advice. So here's how our convo went:

Her:  (she comes in with her cheery smile)  "So how is everything today?"
Me:  (sighing heavily)  "I think I'm ready to quit now."
Her:  (laughing hysterically) "Quit.  What do you mean?"
Me:  (looking very serious) "I'm ready to quit being pregnant.  I hurts too much."
Her:  (still smiling-not knowing that I want to punch her) "So what do you want me to do?"  Take it out?"
Me:  (still looking very serious)  "Yes, please."
Her: (still with that damn smiling)  "You are so funny.  We can't just take it out.  You only have a few
         more months to go.  You can do it.  And just think how beautiful and healthy your baby will be.
Me:  (rolling my eyes but relaxing)
Her:  (rubbing my back in a soothing manner) "Now, don't you feel better?"


Ugghh!  Why can't she just let me have my pity party and complain about all the things that aren't going well in this pregnancy?  Curse her for having a solution to all my complaints!  Can't she just stand there with no answers and be puzzled for a minute?  No, she's got all her ish together and has no problem sharing.

Problem one: it seems like I can never get enough to eat. I am always in the store grocery shopping.  I hate grocery shopping because I always go in with a list but as I go down each isle, yeah I go down each isle (Al can verify that with a very disgusted and loud sigh), I tend to add stuff to the list that I didn't know I needed or wanted until I saw it on the shelf.   And when I don't want to buy groceries or just want something in my mouth like right now, you can find me at Olive Garden.   I think they know me by name and already know what I want before I sit down.  Their lunch specials are the business.  My fav is the salad and breadsticks, the half grilled chicken flatbread and the half grilled chicken florentine.  YUM!
Doc's advice:  It's all for baby.  As long as I'm eating healthy and not ODing on junk foods it's okay.  Instead of eating big meals three times a day,  eat smaller portions so that I won't feel to full and bloated. We didn't talk about my Olive Garden runs-ssshhh!

Problem two, I can't sleep well at night no matter how many pillows or what new position I try.  I am an expert at sleeping during the day which one of my co workers found out when she noticed me dosing and about to land face first on my desk.  Oh another time she caught me in the break room with the lights off, slobbing on the table.  And yet another time, she caught me leaning up again the wall dead to the world.  Since I'm her boss she couldn't do anything but wake me up, but she sure got some big laughs at my expense every time she found me.
Doc's advice:  Sleep whenever I can.  My body is going through changes and it need rest.  Frequent naps throughout the day are good.  She also said to tone down on sugary foods because they tend to make me lazy and sleepy.   Guess I won't tell her about the peanut M&Ms and blue Laffy Taffy that I keep a stash of.  Seems like a little TMI to me.  You feel me?

Problem three, I have to pee every thirty minutes to an hour.  No joke!  This is the worst thing ever.  I  know that it's important to stay hydrated, but damn.  Do I really have to drink those eight glasses a day considering I"m already (excuse my french) "pissing like a race horse?"  But according to an article I read in BabyCenter.com, it's best if I want to help my swollen feet and keep away hemorrhoids, constipation and bladder infections. But swear it would help so much if Ashten weren't try to do the Wobble on my bladder every chance he got.  And kicking the crap out me isn't a loving way to bond with me either.  We are going to have to have a serious talk about this physical abuse as soon as he's old enough.
Doc's advice:  Do not skimp on the water intake.  Hydrate.  Hydrate. Hydrate.  Stay away from caffeine and limit sugary drinks and tea.  If I gotta go, I just gotta go.  Do not try to hold it.

And that brings me to my problem four.  Why in the world am I carrying my baby so low?  This is my second pregnancy and it has happened with both. Old wives tales say that if you are carrying low it's a boy, which was true in both my cases, but other moms say that's BS.  Read this article from Livingstrong.com for more information on that subject. For me, I can't stand or sit too long.  When I stand too long, it feels like Ashten is pressing down on my pelvic bone and I'm afraid his head or feet will soon be hanging out my vajayjay.  When I sit, sometimes it's hard for me to get up and I have to do a half squat or two to ease the pain.  I think I'm just gonna fall down and die!
Doc's advice:  All pregnancies are different.  She didn't see a problem with me carrying my baby low.  She did recommend that I get a maternity belt to lift the baby off my pelvic bone and ease some of my back pain.  She also said to take a load off often and prop my feet up and relax. Other than that, I just have to deal with the uncomfortableness of my body making room for the baby.  I had to stop myself from putting baby powder on my pimp hand.

At this point, I've decided that I will not smack her at my next appt.  For one, that would be really bad.  And two, she really is a sweet lady and she's only trying to help.  Even though I would probably try to blame it on my fluctuating hormones, I don't think that would keep me from getting assault charges.  LOL!  She's maybe 5 feet tall and probably less than 100 pounds.  I actually like her and would hate to hurt her.  Then I'd get a stupid male doc that was short and to the point and never cared to be chatted up or asked questions during visits.  In other words, a total douche.  So for now, I think I'll keep her.  And although I am still sick of being pregnant right now, I think I'll live a few more days...maybe even the rest of the pregnancy.  We'll see.